


Lost & Insecure

by ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier



Category: Green Day
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Car Accident (Past), Comfort, Drugs, F/M, Family Drama (Best Friends), M/M, Memory Loss, Plot Twists, Rape, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 04:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1291540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier/pseuds/ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>***</p><p>It was midnight & freezing on the "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," as everyone called it. They weren't lying when they called it, countless times arrogant teens, & adults alike stumbled down this street; alone & drunk, homeless, or running from something that didn't work out. This was the boulevard people stumbled down when they were lost, or they're dream didn't pan out like they wanted it to.</p><p>***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The End Comes A Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> Got title from The Fray's song 'You Found Me.'
> 
> ~ Lost & insecure, you found me, you found me ~

'So just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby.'

***

Kale tucked her cold nose underneath the collar of her shirt, & pulled her jacket tighter around her as the wind kicked up. She had a few blocks to go before she made it back to the apartment she shared with her two closet friends; Mike & Tre. As she passed an alley on the boulevard, she heard someone shivering. Kale pulled off her hood as she turned to look down the alley, a figure, slightly more built then her own sat on the floor, slumped against the wall; teeth chattering.

"Hey," Kale spoke quietly, not wishing to frighten the person. "Hey, you alright kid?" She asked louder. They're head snapped up, pale green eyes shown fear as they met her soft brown. "You okay? You seem pretty cold, you need any help?" She continued to questioned. They stood, Kale was a little intimidated to find he was a male, about an inch taller than her 5'6 frame.

"Yes." He spoke softly, voice raspy from the cold & probably lack of use. Kale nodded curtly, giving him a small encouraging smile.

"I'm Kale kid," Kale said extending a hand slowly. He shook it, his hoodie was blown off by the wind, & short bright blue hair was exposed. Her eyes widened at the sight, plus a bit of amusement as he tried pulling his hood back on.

"Billie, & who you callin' kid?" He questioned with narrowed eyes. Kale glanced herself over, most assumed she was a sophomore or junior; when in reality, she was a freshman. Barely fifteen years old. He was older, she could tell, probably a junior.

"Point taken, c'mon I know a place that makes boom hot chocolate." She said & began to walk away. Kale felt as if he wasn't following & turned around, seeing he was still tucked up against the wall. "You can trust me Billie." She said calmly. His skittish green eyes danced everywhere but hers, Kale assumed he was shy around strangers; understandable. "It's alright, I'm not gonna hurt you." Billie met her eyes finally, his still panicked but calming slightly at the softness in hers.

"Alright?" He said still sounding unsure, but willingly followed the girl as she led him to the small corner café. They both found an empty pair of stools, & took a seat, the lite fire place not five feet from them, warmed them up.

"Man, getting a little too warm," Kale commented & slipped off her light weight hoodie. Billie without thought took it from her, & rested it on his lap. "Thanks ki- Billie. Thanks Billie." He nodded his acknowledgement. Billie noticed her tattoo sleeves on both arms, like his it was only the bottom portion of her arms. The skin on both arms blotted out with colorful, decorative ink. Some of koi fish, others of a leafless tree that started at her wrist & curled around her entire arm, with random things scattered around it. His eyes lingered over the Nirvana smiley face.

"..." Billie was speechless & without thought, reached out to touch the ink. She had an old school feather pen on her left wrist, with an ink well too, the ink dripping from the well looked so real; as if you could smear it. He brushed his finger tips over it, wondering if he had-

"Hello Kale, what can I get you & you're friend?" Some guy asked, he startled Billie & he shrank into himself.

"Hey Robert, I'll have the usual. Billie here'll have the same," Kale replied with a warm smile. Billie sat there, staring at the ink he thought would smear. "Pretty realistic huh? It's one of my newer ones as you can tell, got it two days ago, love it." She spoke surreally. Billie smiled softly.

"Woah boy, pretty blinding if yah ask me," the barista- Robert said. Billie's smile fell from his face at the stranger, eyes narrowing as he set down to medium sized paper cups with lids.

"What are you talking about Rob?" Kale asked swiveling in her chairs to face him. He nodded in Billie's direction.

"The kid's smile, it's cute, can't believe all the girls aren't swooning for him. More or less you Kale," Rob stated.

Kale opened & closed her mouth multiple times. "What ever are you talking about?" She asked.

Robert snorted in response, "Shut up you damn liar, your a sucker for cute smiles & we both know it." He said bluntly.

"I- I, that's not- I am not. Nevermind," she huffed in her flustered state. Even Billie's cheeks had some color. "Go back to serving others!" Kale hissed. Robert laughed as he made his way over to an elder woman.

"... What was that about?" Billie asked in a hushed whisper.

"... I have a thing for cute smiles..." Kale trailed off, he raised a brow. "... You're smile is down right adorable. That's why Rob was shocked I hadn't jumped your bones- not that I'd do that! He just expects it sooner or later." She stuttered causing a smirk to tug at Billie's lips.

"Oh..." he trailed off, mouth feeling dry. Kale sipped her beverage & noticed Billie eyeing his.

"It's hot chocolate, like I told you," she reminded. Billie picked up the cup, his still chilled fingers warming under the warmness radiating from the cup. He brought it to his lips, watching Kale watch him. "Try a tiny sip, mine cooled down but... that's mine." She said with a shrug. Billie tilted the cup back slightly, the slightly hot liquid touched his tongue; taste buds. Billie opened his eyes once the blissful taste of the liquid flowed down his throat.

"What?" Billie asked insecurely when he noticed Kale's wide eyes.

"You moaned when you drank it. I mean, I know it's good, just didn't know it was that good," she explained. They spent the next twenty minutes in silence, well Billie anyway, Kale talked with the barista Robert when he wasn't busy.

"I should be going. Thanks for the drink, really," Billie said as he stood. Arm extending to hand Kale back her jacket. Sadness flashed in her features.

"Do you have a place to sleep tonight?" She asked quickly. Billie just stared blankly at her, "Listen, I'm trying to be nice, if you don't have a place, spend the night with my roommates & I. We have an extra room." Kale added.

"I... uh, I don't think-" Kale's hope in her eyes began to fade. "Oh, alright? Are you sure it's okay?" Billie asked quietly. Kale nodded & stood, she fished out a five dollar bill & placed it under Billie's empty cup.

"See yah Rob," she called as she pushed open the door. Robert waved bye to both, Billie waved back sheepishly. Billie noticed when Kale shivered as a gust of cool night air blew past, he quickly opened her jacket for her; offering her it. She slipped her arms into it & smiled softly at him. Billie felt his heart stutter in tempo. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said back. Kale still had her drink as they walked, sipping it minutely.

"Want some?" She questioned.

Billie blinked, "Uh?" She shook the cup back & forth, "Umm... no thanks, m'fine."

She snorted, "Bullshit, here have some." Billie glared at her but took the cup & took a gulp of the liquid, "Better?" Kale asked teasingly. He didn't respond, just zipped up his wore hoodie. "We're almost there." She stated five minutes later.


	2. In The End Comes A Lullaby Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billie some what meets Mike & Tre. Tre & Kale talk about Billie.

'So just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby.'

Tuesday: 1:55 AM

Kale fished her keys out her shorts pocket & unlocked the door, allowing Billie inside the apartment. Billie couldn't begin to understand how someone so young could afford such a spacious, luxurious place. Then again, he recalled her saying roommates.

"Me casa, su casa," Kale said with a soft laugh as she closed the door quietly. Billie walked further in after her, following her down a short hallway that led to the living room & kitchen. The living room had a flat screen, couch, rug, & coffee table. The kitchen was behind the couch, nothing separating it, there were stools & a marble counter where you could watch the tv at.

"Hey Kale, where have you been?" A lanky male said from the couch. He sat up, hair short & a lightish but dark brown.

"Oh, found this guy. Took him to Rob's for a drink, then offered him to stay the night." Kale said as she opened the pizza box on the marble counter.

"Alright," the guy said. Billie was confused as to why he wasn't the least bit mad, "Help yourself, Tre & I decided to order pizza cause, yah know, we can't cook. Well, real food anyway."

"Figures, one of these days Mike, Im'ma teach you & Tre how to cook proper meals instead of delivery every night." Kale said as she fixed two plates, both with two slices of what Billie assumed was pepperoni.

"Yea, probably the smart thing to do," Mike responded as he walked closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her in a brief hug, Billie looked at Mike's sleeve on only his upper arm. 'Is everyone in this house tatted?' He wondered.

"Where's Tre?" Kale asked Mike. She glanced down at a plate of pizza, then Billie with a smile, she nudged the plate towards him without notice by Mike.

"High, as usual. He's in the back room, careful, its a hotbox in there," Mike warned playfully as he went back to sit on the couch. Kale rolled her eyes.

"Here, you eat, Im'ma go say hi to Tre," Kale said to Billie. He blinked at her & Kale took that as an okay. She pushed the plate closer, granted it seemed he backed away.

***

"Sup Tre," Kale said as she entered the room. Tre was laying on the bed, wearing only boxers, & drooling. He groaned in response & turned over.

He yawned, "Where you been?" Kale didn't answer, just hugged him & pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Billie's here. He doesn't remember neither Mike nor I, I think it's gotten worse since we lost contact of him three years back. He's lost Tre, we may not get back our old Billie," Kale said sadly. Tre sat up quickly, tensing.

"Don't say that Kale, you don't know that. We- we just need to jog his memory & he'll be Billie from three years ago, hanging out with us, making a band & playing at shitty parties to make money... It'll be like the old days," he said sounding unsure himself.

"You remember what the doctors said! They said he may never recover, if he hasn't recovered in the last three years, why now would he all of a sudden?" Kale asked aggravated. "Face it Tre, the Billie we knew, is dead. This Billie may talk, walk, & look like our Billie, but he will never be the Billie he once was. He's just a look alike, nothing more."

"But-" Tre silenced himself when Kale gave him the look, the "drop it" look. "Fine, but where does he live? With his parents still?" Kale sighed in frustration.

"I don't know... I don't know anything anymore," she said as she wiped away a few stray tears. "For now, we befriend him again. For now, we speak of nothing about the past. Got it?" Tre nodded. "I gotta go, I left him with a half asleep Michael." She said standing.

"Hopefully he hasn't shown him the pound of weed yet," Tre said groggily. Kale nodded & closed the door behind her.

***

"Mike, Billie?" Kale called quietly as she approached the living room. She was shocked to find Billie pasted out on the couch, jacket draped over the back of the couch, shoes on the side of the couch. Mike covered Billie with a thick blanket to keep him warm, Billie stirred barely, just repositioning his head on the plush pillow.

"He was tired, did you see the bags under his eyes?" Mike asked. Kale nodded & went to crouch besides Billie's head, she ran her fingers through his blue hair once before kissing his temple gently.

"Mike, I miss him." Kale admitted for once since they lost him.

"I know, I do too. At least we found him, what was he doing?" Mike asked sitting in a bean bag chair.

"He was shivering in an alleyway, he was in way worse condition believe you me." Kale said standing & sitting on a bean bag chair opposite of him. "Can we talk about this in the morning, please? I'm tired, & can barely do anything now." Kale pleaded. Mike understood & wished her good night before leaving to his room.

***

Kale was awoken by a soft whimpering, she opened her eyes finding out that it was Billie.

"Billie, you okay?" She asked as she crawled over to him. Billie's eyes flew open & he squeaked from the close proximity of Kale. "Sorry, you were whimpering... I was worried."

"I'm fine. Just use to listening to music, or something as I sleep," he murmured & rested his head back on the pillow. His wide eyes going half lidded.

"Well, I can come up with a lullaby for you?" Kale questioned. She knew what she was going to sing, she was going to sing the song she sung to Billie when they were younger, when he couldn't sleep.

"Alright," Billie yawned. Kale smiled softly & began to quietly sing.

"For the kids in life, like you & I, forgotten & abandoned. We get by with little hope, but a whole lot of fear. Others see us as outsiders, I see us as the future. Quick with comebacks & even quicker with strategies. One day we will be appreciated, some missed, but today we are nobodies. And nobodies are sometimes better than somebodies." Kale sang quietly, Billie's breathing evened out, eyes sliding shut. "God I want you back Billie, I miss you."


	3. Rookie?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Billie's first day out in "the field" with Kale.

Wednesday: 12:30 AM

"Pass the blunt will yah?" Kale asked rudely.

"Not with that attitude," Mike but back with the blunt between his lips.

"You've been hogging it! I just want one hit before you two get that shit soggy!" She seethed. Mike reluctantly handed over the wrapped illegal substance. "Thank you." Kale placed the joint between her lips & took a long drag before handing it to Tre. Billie remained quiet as he ate his eggs, he just listened to the three friends talk amongst themselves.

"Whose turn is it to sell?" Tre asked as he munched on a Pop tart. Kale raised her hand, releasing the smoke in rings.

"Where do I sell today? Boulevard of Broken Dreams, or Elms Street?" She asked glancing at a zoned out Billie.

"New street today. Dickson's Street, know it?" Mike asked spinning in his stool.

"Alright, are we sellin' the rest or keeping some for ourselves?" Kale asked, eyes starting to turn pink. "Wait, how much we got left any who?" Mike shrugged & Tre went to check, he pulled back the rug in the middle of the living room, where the safe was. Billie watched as Tre entered the combination & opened the metal door.

"Damn, we have like..." Tre trailed off as he counted. "Twenty pounds. How about we sell nineteen, & keep a pound for ourselves? We don't really smoke like we use to, should last us a bit, right?" Kale & Mike nodded, none thought Billie being there was bad. It made him wonder. Kale slyly pushed off the stool & pulled on her jacket smoothly, then grabbed her backpack off the floor in one smooth motion.

"Alright, I'll be back at three." She said as she stuffed nineteen bags of green into her bag, zipped it up, then turned to Billie. "You comin' Armstrong?" Kale questioned.

"How do you know my last name?" Billie asked alarmed.

Kale shot a glance to Mike & Tre, who looked scared. She shrugged casually, "You told me last night. You up for it?" Billie nodded & slipped on his jacket, following her out the door.

***

They sat casually on a park bench, Kale had an arm draped over her backpack as they waited. Billie sat there, leg bouncing nervous, hands sweating as they sat clasped in his lap. A figure blocked the light from him, causing him to look up.

"How much?" The man asked gruffly. Kale cleared her throat subtly attracting the man's attention to her.

"For what?" She asked back sullenly.

"A pound." He replied moving more in her direction. Billie tensed at the lack of space between the two, & how big he was compared to Kale.

"Two fifty," she said looking up at the clouds.

"Hundred?" He questioned moving closer, Billie eyed the man closely.

Kale laughed, "Thousand. This is the good shit." She said annoyed. The man snorted but retrieved his wallet from his back pocket, & counted out the bills before handing Kale the money. She counted it to make sure.

"I can count." The man growled.

"Shut up, you need me, I don't need you." She seethed silencing the man. "Here, now leave." She said discreetly passing him the drugs. The man left rather quickly. "Now Billie, you accompany me on my little business meetings. I split the profits with yah, okay?"

"What? You don't split with the other two?" He asked shocked.

"We take turns each week, sell the same amount but keep all profits for ourselves. We do pay for groceries & the rent together, but that's about it. What'yada say?"

"Uh, what if we get caught?" Billie asked worried.

"We never di- do," she corrected herself. "We've been sellin' since I was twelve, I'm fifteen now. No worries," she stated highly. Billie agreed reluctantly.

***

"Thank god we finished selling, look who showed up." Kale said pointedly. Billie looked up at a group coming their way, Kale has always felt uncomfortable with selling outside of their usual territory but, money was money. "Billie, you hold this." Kale said subtly sliding him the bag with the thousands of dollars in it.

"Who are you?" One of the gang members asked.

"What's it to yah?" Kale asked back as she stood. Billie sat there, shifting uncomfortably & fussing with his hands.

"This is our spot got it," another said. Kale glanced them over, smirking with arms crossed over her chest.

"We weren't doin' nothing alright? No need to be so hostile," Kale said glaring them down. Billie still sat on the bench, glancing up momentarily but catching one of the men's eyes.

"What are you looking at?" He snarled. Billie's grip on his own hand tightened, Kale noticed his jaw lock in place. She knew she shouldn't have brought him, he wasn't nonchalant like he use to being; he didn't roll with anything anymore.

"Leave the kid alone, he didn't do anything. I suggest you back off if you know what's good for you," Kale threatened. Billie's frightened green eyes locked on Kale; focusing only on her.

"Watch yourself, you gotta big mouth. I suggest you tell you're bitch to shut her mouth before it gets you into trouble," the leader sneered. Kale glowered at him, Billie was up & standing a few inches from the man's face.

"Don't call her that, unless you want to fight," Billie snarled lowly. Kale stepped back in surprise. "Let's go," Billie grabbed Kale's hand, " their not worth our time." He laced his fingers with hers, using his free hand to flip them off as they walked away.

"Woah..." Kale murmured. 'Maybe he still is our Billie,' she thought gasping quietly. Billie was fuming as he tugged her along, & only stopped when they were at some random diner. Billie found them a table & pulled Kale down besides him. 'He only gets this mad when someone calls me a bitch,' she recalled all those years ago. A waiter passed by, but noticed Billie's look & kept walking.

"Why?" He asked with his head in his hands.

"Why what?" Kale asked back quietly, head hung low.

"Why do you do this? Don't you go to school?" Billie asked turning to look at her. Kale was still feeling the effects of the drag earlier but she could answer.

"I left school when a friend of mine was in an accident. Mike, Tre, him, & I, it was a drunk joy ride. We were crossing an intersection, & some guy was texting... He didn't stop, & our friend he couldn't stop... We rolled five or six times. Mike, & Tre had broken their legs, I was left unscathed somehow, our best friend... He..." Billie shushed her.

"I'm sorry for you're loss," he murmured feeling inconsiderate.

"I guess you could say we lost him, doctors weren't sure if he'd get back his memory... This was three years ago... he never recovered..." Kale said feeling to blame.

"How do you know for sure?" He asked curious.

"Because, we lost contact with him those three years, & when I finally find him? He's shivering in an alleyway, alone, & scared of his once girlfriend!" Kale said feeling the blame give way to anger. "It was my fault, I left you there to rot in that hospital, not knowing whether or not you died! Not knowing if you'd recover, I can never forgive myself." Kale broke down, letting the tears steadily flow.

Billie couldn't speak, "We were best- that's why Mike didn't mind... Why I felt the need to... Why Tre gave me weird lo- it makes perfect sense." He breathed. Kale finished wiping away her tears & looked at him perplexed.

"What are you talking about?" She asked sniffling.

"We were best friends, that's why Mike didn't mind me staying the night. It explains why I felt the need to protect you, it explains why Tre kept giving me confused, pained looks this morning. We were best friends, & when I lost my memory... We disconnected." Billie explained.

"Yes..." She whispered deathly quiet.

"And we... dated?" He asked staring intently at Kale. She nodded.

Kale laughed softly, "Yea, we were gonna get married when I turned eighteen, guess things got derailed uh?" Billie shook his head.

"I still love you, & I do wanna marry you," he spoke truthful.

Kale's eyes widened, "You don't remember me though." Billie shrugged lamely.

"There was a reason we made that pact, it was because we were & still are, in love. I may have lost my memory, but being with you & you knew this, you still treated me more normal then most people who don't me. I'm willing to spend my life with a dynamite girl like you," Billie said sincerely. Kale's eyes watered as she hugged him tightly, feeling more whole than she had in a long time.


	4. Movie Night

Kale & Billie made their way home, both laughing as they walked.

"So I seriously did that during you're birthday, what about your parents?" Billie asked past his laughter.

"It was just Mike, Tre, Gerard, & I for my twelfth birthday. And yea, you stripped to nothing & ran through the house naked. I thought you were drunk but Mike said you were just being weird again," Kale said with a small huff.

"So you seen me naked when you were technically still a child," Billie stated. Kale nodded.

"Dude, it wouldn't have been the first time that night," she said with a wink. He gapped at her, pale green eyes wide with shock, & mouth slightly ajar.

"I had sex with a minor," he stated seeming more surprised by his words.

"Yep, you were my first, & last," she said with a faint smile. "Trust me, we went over consequences & shiz, well you did. About me regretting it & stuff... I don't for the record." Kale said truthfully. Billie nodded, both allowing a comfortable silence to settle between them.

***

"Sell it all?" Mike asked as he opened the door for his two companions. Kale smiled at him, & he returned it; then he noticed Billie's sullen expression.

Billie hugged Mike unexpectedly, "I missed you." He whispered into his ear. Mike hugged him back out of instinct, tears pricked his light blue eyes. Tre walked into the living room, & Billie was quick to hug the green haired male as well. "I missed you both."

Tre gasped & looked at Kale, "You remember? He remembers?" Kale shook her head sadly.

"No, but he knows what happened. He knows why you two are so chill with him," she explained sounding depressed. "But he knows, that's all that ever mattered to us, right?" Mike & Tre nodded.

"Oh, Gerard's coming over," Mike commented. Kale yipped in happiness & a pang of jealousy shot through Billie at the mention of an unknown character.

"Who's Gerard?" He asked, everyone noticed his clenched jaw.

"Our other best friend. He's chill, you loved him," Tre responded with his head in the fridge. Billie's eyes narrowed skeptically but he remained silent, & reassured Kale with a nod of understanding. "Let's pick out movies to watch before he gets here!" He exclaimed & ran to the extensive collection of movies that accumulated over the years. "Billie, assist me!" Billie chuckled quietly & went to help Tre decide on movies.

Later: 8:45 PM

A knock signaled the arrival of Kale's best friend since kindergarten, Gerard. Billie nearly fell backwards as he looked up at the truly lanky male.

"Dude, how tall are you?" Billie asked. "Sorry, I didn't mean it-" He silenced himself when Gerard held up a hand.

"It's alright. I'm 6'4, names Gerard Gills," he said holding out hand. Billie assessed him, glancing him over; his hair dyed white & the ends jet black, his eyes an eerie stone gray, & skin pale (almost translucent). Billie moved to the side allowing him in, Gerard knew the situation. Kale had filled him in over the phone, so he acted like he was just meeting Billie.

"Billie Joe Armstrong, but you already know that. Tre said we were good friends?" Billie questioned stupidly. Gerard nodded, bangs swishing with the movement.

"Kale hey, haven't seen you in months!" Gerard exclaimed, long, innocent (bare) arms curled around Kale as she appeared from the hallway. She hugged him tightly, face buried in his chest.

"Good to see you too Ger," her muffled voice coming from his shirt. "Tre already picked out movies with the help of Billie. We're just waiting on the cookies, popcorn, & letting the sodas get cold. Plus Mike to get back from the store with the beer, & hopefully marijuana."

Gerard sighed in relief, "Thank god, I could use the pleasant stress reliever," he said. "How much you make today?" Gerard asked Billie.

"In all? Twenty thousand, but individually, ten thousand," Billie replied pushing off the wall he leaned on.

"Splitting it like old times Kale?" Gerard asked turning to Kale who nodded. Mike finally arrived with the beer, & the real fun began.


	5. Movie Night Pt. 2

Kale fell asleep into the eighth movie of the night, curled up in Billie's arms. Billie watched her for a few seconds when he felt her shift slightly, she curled more into him, one hand resting on his chest, & the other wrapped lightly around his wrist. Mike at one point in the middle of the movie now playing, 'The Breakfast Club', drifted into his room. Tre had fallen asleep upside down on the recliner, a sliver of drool dangling from his open mouth & nearly touching the hard wood floors. Billie barely remembered Gerard was there, beside him & Kale on the couch, wide awake; staring at him.

"Can I speak with you, privately?" Gerard whispered quietly. Gray eyes finally breaking contact with Billie's green to look at Kale when she stirred again. Billie didn't really think why he should go with him, he just did. He slid Kale off him without waking her. He smiled small when she wrapped her arms around a nearby pillow, pulling it against her.

"What is it?" Billie asked feeling uneasy when Gerard closed, & locked the bathroom door behind them. He merely smiled, flashing his pearly whites as he slyly walked over to the shower's rim, & sat down on it.

"You," he said simply. Billie gulped & inched away from him immediately, Gerard's eyes flashed multiple things that Billie didn't like.

"I- uh, what?" Billie asked mentally cursing himself for stuttering. Gerard stood too fast for Billie's liking, he for his tall frame moved gracefully as he pinned Billie against the wall.

"You," Gerard hissed against his skin. "I want you. I have since I first met you, I've wanted you. But I had to settle for... lesser, none godly beings all because you dated Kale." He said, warm breath gusting against Billie's neck as he leaned down.

"I-I'm not g-gay," Billie hated the fear this guy brought him.

Gerard laughed against his neck, "Neither am I, I'm bi, & so are you. It may have been before the accident, but you told me one night when you were drunk." He said merrily, "You admitted to wanting to fuck me-"

"I don't rememb-" Billie began but Gerard placed a harsh bite to his neck.

"Of course you don't remember! You don't remember anyone or thing anymore," he seethed. "But trust me, you did... You talked about how you wanted it, fast & rough, merciless. How you'd make me beg, make me scream you're name til my voice was hoarse, & raspy," Gerard said lowly. Billie couldn't deny that Gerard was an attractive young gentlemen, & the way he was talking wasn't helping Billie's "problem."

"No, no, I was- am with Kale, I would never say those things," Billie argued.

"People say a lot when drunk, & just because you don't say it... doesn't mean you don't think it," Gerard said playful. "Tell me I'm wrong honey?" He teased as he roughly grabbed Billie's chin, & seized his lips. They broke for air, Billie felt disgusted as he tried spitting out the demented guy's saliva.

"Let me go!" Billie growled as he tried freeing his pinned wrists. Gerard laughed & pressed his body against Billie's, both groaning as their erections brushed against one another.

"Your heart says no, your body says yes. Just give in, Kale doesn't have to know... No one does." Gerard said sickly.

"No, I will never like you like that. Ever. Get that through your sick, demented, little boy mind you freak!" Billie snarled viciously. Billie's vision blurred, his head was throbbing, the once perfect tile was now cracked, & falling to the floor. He blacked out, the last thing being heard was a disturbed laugh from teen only a year older than his girlfriend.


	6. Hurting With Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billie wakes up in a hospital, his memory fuzzy of the night before.

***

Billie slowly opened his eyes as the morning sun shown bright in them from the cracks in the blinds. He sat up carefully, a hand to his head as a massive headache was fast approaching. He tried standing only for a woman in blue scrubs stop him, he groaned in pain; arm instinctively wrapping around his injuries midsection.

"Sir, you shouldn't be standing. You must lie down," the woman- Alexandra- advised. Billie nodded & sat back down, then carefully relaxed back on what he supposed was a hospital bed. "Do you know what happened last night?" Alexandra asked quietly. Billie shook his head slowly, any faster & his brain would knock into the sides of his head.

"No..." he responded, voice hoarse. Billie recalls Gerard, then blacking out, & that was it. Everything else didn't matter if he couldn't remember.

Alexandra nodded, "Okay, is there any family we could contact?" Billie nodded, not remembering Mike's number at heart but he did know it was saved in his phone. "Okay, call them & tell them to come down to Oak Creek Hospital." Billie replied a soft okay & she left.

***

Mike & Tre were first to enter the room the nurses insisted Billie stayed shacked up in. Kale could be heard as her & a nurse murmured back & forth. Billie only caught bits & pieces.

"Park... how could he have... is he... Medication?" Kale murmured, brown eyes flizting all around frantic.

"Hey buddy, how you feeling?" Tre asked sincerely, hand resting on Billie's arm.

"Pretty good, have a few bruises here & there, that's about it." Billie whispered as Kale... & Gerard?!?! Entered. Billie's eyes were glued to a smirking Gerard; his gray eyes no longer soft & innocent, they were now hard & hateful; devious. Mike's eyes narrowed when Billie scooted to the furthest side of the bed, as far from Gerard as he could.

"Hey babe," Kale pressed a kiss to Billie's temple. Gerard's face of disgust going unnoticed. "What happened?" She asked worriedly. Billie glanced at Gerard- Mike saw the fear pass through green eyes- Gerard glared back at Billie.

"I- I can't remember, its kinda fuzzy," he said. It was when the nurse had asked but seeing his attacker jogged his memory. Kale nods, & runs her fingers through his blue hair in comfort.

"Gerard, can you give Kale & I a second with Billie? Tre you too," Mike asked calmly, face revealing nothing. Gerard stood apprehensive, not being able to argue since Tre was already yanking him out the door. Mike swiftly closed the door.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Kale asked standing straight. Mike ignored her question & moved to Billie's side.

"What he do?" Mike asked.

"Who?" Billie said back playing dumb.

"What did Gerard do to you? The truth Billie, I saw the way you looked at him, utter fear & disgust. What. He. Do?" Mike ground out, fists clenched tight & knuckles white.

"While you were asleep last night, he asked to talk, I agree... The moment he locked the door I was uneasy... I couldn't leave- he wouldn't let me... He talked about me before the accident, about a time I was drunk & said I wanted to have sex with him. I told him to back off, that I was with Kale. He racked my head against the wall, I blacked out..." Billie sucked in a shaky breath. "He took me somewhere... A hotel room- god it hurt so bad, it was the worse pain in my life... Like being ripped open... he r-r-raped me..." Billie's voice cracked towards the end. Kale gasped, Mike shut his eyes tight as he turned his head away from his hurting friend. Fist clenched tight, knuckles white.

"God dammit, I fucking knew there was something off the moment we told him Billie hadn't recovered. What do we do?" Mike asked turning to Kale. Kale stood off in the corner, back to her friends, fists clenched, & visibly trembling. "Uh, Kale?" Mike asked cautiously as he stepped over to her.

"Kale?" Billie said worried as he sat up. He whimpered as his midsection crunched up momentarily. It made Kale snap.

"Guys?" Tre said opening the door. Kale lunged. The fight managed to relocate from in the room, to the hallways. Gerard & Kale clawing, kicking, & punching each other with zero thought. Gerard landed bruising punches to Kale's sides. Kale aimed her punches more towards Gerard's face, & back where they would stun momentarily. The nurses didn't try prying the two off each other & called security, Tre & Mike managed to stop them for a few seconds before losing their holds on the two vicious teens.

"Separate them now!" One security ordered. Mike & Tre were knocked aside as they swarmed around the fight. Gerard was last to be pried off, Kale managed to sneak in one last punch to his diaphragm. The wind was knocked out him, he ripped his arms from the securities hold & curled them around his body; wheezing.

"Fuck with me again! This is the last fucking time you obnoxious prick!" Kale said lowly as she looked down at boy she once called her friend. "You're sick. You need help..." she sighed dropping her head.

"... You were never there for me, you were always there for him!" Gerard said spitting out some blood. Billie leaned against Mike who had wrapped an arm around his waist for support.

Kale glanced over her shoulder, "Because, he never hurt me. Not once, even when we were just friends." She said coldly.

***

Billie was given a clean bill of health, & some painkillers for his bruised, abused body. He noticed Kale had become distant, & apparent her actions were mimicked by Mike & Tre who also distanced themselves for the blue haired boy. Kale stood up as they sat together in a diner, eyes watching them closely.

"I need to take a breather," she announced. A woman glared at Billie when he tried reaching out for her when she noticed Kale's busted lip, & bruised cheek.

"Leave her. She needs time." Tre said quietly. Billie looked at him in utter confusion with a sprinkle of anger, Mike gave Billie the same pleading look. He huffed & flopped back down on the bench, whimpering slightly when his rump made contact with the hard plastic. Mike smiled softly at him, & ran a hair through Billie's hair; the touch was comforting, reassuring. After ten minutes Kale returned, sleeves pulled over her hands, the material soaked with some foreign substance.

"Oh my god, I'm starving. I'll buy," Kale muttered staring off into space. She waved over a waitress, the girl was shorter than Kale, petite with fiery red hair, pale skin, & brown eyes. "May I please have a root beer, & plain burger?" She nodded & jotted down everyone's orders, & slipped Billie a piece of paper.

"Hey, I'm taken, back off," Billie said handing her back the paper. She gave him a look of bewilderment. "Take it." Billie said when the paper still remained in his outstretched hand, tone sharp. Kale sneered as the waitress walked away angry.

"Dude, she's totally gonna spit in you're food," Tre commented as he balled up pieces of a napkin & threw them into Mike's hair.

"Kale," Billie said, her eyes immediately snapped up to his. A silent understanding passing between them, both stood & walked to the bathroom. He locked it behind them, Kale sat on the sink, arms tucked under her armpits. "Hands, now." Kale grumbled but reluctantly listened, showing Billie her hands. Her knuckles were bloody, the cuffs of her long sleeve shirt ruined, stained by the red.

"I was mad. I use to do this more back then, I learned to control my anger, for you," she murmured feeling guilty. Billie rested his hands on her arms, rubbing them lovingly.

"Hey, it's okay, I just wish... I wish you'd punch something- well- softer." He murmured back before kissing Kale. It was actually the first real kiss they shared since they met again. Kale missed the softness of his lips on hers. She wanted it now, craved it. She threaded her fingers through Billie's hair, pressing her lips back to his with brutal force. Billie happily returned the roughness, nipping & biting at the teen's lips. Kale moaned into his mouth, tongues battling for dominance; Kale always submitted in the end. But today was different. Her hands fumbled with Billie's pants, finally managing to get them down, & she gracefully fell to her knees.

"You okay?" She asked, hands resting on his hips.

"Yea, I'm good," he answered honestly. He was anxious, waiting, it had been so long since he had sex. Billie groaned when a warm hand wrapped around his length, & a soft, wet tongue dragged up the underside of his cock. "Fuck." He ground out. Kale smiled as she swirled her tongue up & down the shaft like the design on a candy cane. Kale painstaking slow drug her tongue back up his shaft & engulfed his head; Billie moaned loudly, head thinking against the tile walls as warmth wrapped around his hardening length. He absentmindedly threaded his fingers through her hair, Kale hummed in happiness, the vibrations passing through Billie's organ; making the intimate act all the more pleasurable.

"Billie, Kale, you two almost done?" Came Tre's teasing tone. Billie grumbled, with an eye roll & Kale pulled off his cock with a slimy pop. Her cheeks flushing a bright pink mimicking her plush lips color.

"Fucking dicks," Billie cursed as he fought to pull up his pants. Kale smiled & rinsed her mouth.

"Hey, we can have more fun back home. There's a party happening later tonight, I mean I'm going, just not gonna crash there." She explained as she brushed a strand of hair back into place. Billie smirked deviously as he crossed the gap between them. His arms coiled around her waist, chin resting on her shoulder, his eyes looking at them in the mirror. 'Perfection,' is what he thought.

"Alright," he said giving her a peck on her neck, "I'm keeping you to that. Now let's wrap you're hands." Kale happened to snag some bandages from the hospital. Billie carefully wrapped both her hands, having the bandage coil around her wrist as if she sprain them to ensure they'd hold. "Kay, let's go." Billie followed her out the bathroom, awes coming from two elderly women when Billie gently held her hand.


	7. Roses On His Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from: Roses On My Grave ~ Papa Roach

***

The party was fantastic & the sex was amazing too. Billie rolled off Kale, flopping next to her on the bed; panting. Kale's head lulled & faced Billie, green eyes tired but still coursing with adrenaline. She laid on her side, hand tracing patterns on his chest & sides, Billie hummed in contentment & allowed his eyes to slide shut.

"I love you, & when we get married, I don't have to worry about anyone taking you from me. Ever." Billie said like a five year old. A smile found it's way on Kale's flushed features, cheeks going pink.

"Same here. Just a few years & we can be together forever, like you always wanted but-" Kale stopped talking, brown eyes narrowing. Billie turned to look at her, his smile fading away.

"But what?" He asked.

"..." Kale merely blinked, looking at Billie, but not at the same time. He sat up quickly, cupping her face in his hands, gazing into her chocolate pools.

"But what?" He asked pleadingly. She blinked, long lashes just grazing her high cheek bones.

She sighed, "But you have to wake up." Kale spoke in a hushed whisper. Billie cocked his head to the side, brow raised before he laughed.

"Wake up? What are you talking about?" He asked laughing. Kale growled at him. Silence.

"You have to wake up! This never happened to you, none of this?! Is real, you have to wake up!" She hissed lowly, eyes flickering all around. Billie finally looked at her confused.

"I am awake, Kale, do you have a concussion?" Billie asked. Kale pushed away his hands.

"Wake up! You have to wake up now!" She continued to yell. Billie leaned away from her, true fear & confusion in his eyes. Finally, his look of bewilderment vanished & a devious, dangerous grin replaced all other lesser emotions.

"I'm not the one who has to wake up... You Kale, you must wake up." Billie laughed darkly, pale green eyes going dark. 

***

"Cheese & sprinkles!" Kale screamed as she jolted from bed. She checked her alarm clock, 8:45 AM. Kale ran her hands through her hair, unsticking it from her forehead.

"You alright?" Came Mike's voice, it was sad.

"Yea, fine. How much time do I have to get ready?" Kale asked back, her voice raspy & foreign to her.

"You have fifteen," he responded & stepped out the bathroom. He was dressed in a nice suit for a not so nice occasion as Kale recalled. She sluggishly got out bed, passing a picture of her & Billie on the dresser as she pulled out all clean clothes, it made her heart heavy. Kale dressed quickly, ignored breakfast, & sat quietly in the car as Tre gave Mike directions & nearly got them lost. Finally there they all got out, Mike talked quietly with others guests & friends of the deceased. Tre kept to himself, staying close to Mike. Kale walked off aimless as to where to go. She settled for climbing into a tree- after finding one with a sturdy branch- she sighed. The ceremony began, she listened to the preacher of whatever talk about Him. She heard everything, Mike & Tre said their little trinkets of good times with Him. Kale gazed up at the sky, she was suppose to share her moments with Him as well.

Her eyes locked onto a cloud, "You know." Kale murmured & returned her attention to the lowering of His casket. She crushed the paper with His lullaby on it, & some random lyrics in her hand. She had a spare. That one she'd bury for Him to read while He was up there; waiting for her. Kale waited long after the sermon to finally go down to His final resting place. She touched the elevated marker.

~ Billie Joe Armstrong  
February 17th, 1972 - February 26th, 1990  
"Died too young, & had many things ahead of him. But he always said he had everything he could ever want; amazing, one of a kind friends, loving family, & a prized girlfriend. He always saw things from a different perspective- for that- he'll be missed by all who knew him." ~ 

"Sorry I didn't stand with Mike & them, I couldn't, but I promise to visit everyday- with a rose- a pretty bright blue rose that will match you're hair..." she trailed off feeling tears prick her eyes. "Oh, & these lyrics for that one song we wrote, Boulevard of Broken Dreams? Yea, I have 'em here for you." She said retrieving the untarnished paper. "I walk a lonely road, the only one I have ever known. Don't know where it goes but, it's home to me & I walk alone." Kale murmured & wiped away her tears. "Im'ma miss you babe, remember I will always love you. Completely. Forever. You will never truly die as long as Mike, Tre, & I remember you're spirit. We miss you already. Bye babe," Kale said whimpering the end, she dug a small hole & buried the note with both lullaby & lyrics in the ground. "And there's you're lullaby, in case you forget. I know you do that a lot," she said with a half laugh. "And a rose." She set down the vibrant blue rose. She stared at the marker once more before slowly walking away.

**Author's Note:**

> Nickelback ~ Lullaby


End file.
